Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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