i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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