that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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