this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
