Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
