I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
