I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
