forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
