at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm really busy with my period
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