"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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