I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
