Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
