Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
