I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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