No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish I only lived at night.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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