I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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