a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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