A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You made out with two different species that night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
