Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
