Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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