I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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