Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
