just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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