Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
