party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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