Is it normal to miss your booty call?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
