he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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