i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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