i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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