My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
