I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
