The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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