Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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