Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
