Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i came on her dog
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
