You can't motorboat a personality
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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