mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
