they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
