he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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