I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
how does that bad decision feel?
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