I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
