I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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