So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
