omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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