dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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