I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
