Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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