Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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