Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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