I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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