Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
