Only a mothe r could love this liver
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
