the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
